Nothing makes you feel more like a loser than Christmas.
First, you have all these people that you feel obligated to buy gifts for. You have these amazing ideas of what you would love to buy them. A gift you know that will blow their mind and give you that wonderful validation of knowing you made their day when they opened it. But, you can’t afford it. Nothing reminds you more of what a broke piece of shit you are than the merry holiday.
On top of that, you have people asking you what you want for Christmas. You sit there thinking, “Oh I don’t know. I’m three weeks late on my car payment, my water bill is fucking outrageous and I’m two months behind on my cellphone bill. You know what I want? Money. Give me fucking lots and lots of money.” But you can’t ask for that because it reveals what a loser you are and makes you look like an asshole. So instead, you ask for some shit you don’t really need like socks, a t-shirt or fucking curtains.
It isn’t just the lack of finances that makes you feel like shit during the famous winter holiday. Nothing makes you feel worse than “the gathering.” I call it “the gathering” because it sounds just as haunting and depressing as the family gathering actually is. Everybody has that judgmental aunt who feels the need to tell you how to live your life. You know, the one who only sees you once a year, but knows what’s best for you more than you do? How about the cousin who is doing so much better than you? The one that everyone in the family spends all evening talking about? “Oh, Jimmy is doing so well out in Silicon Valley. His business is really taking off.” Blah.
And, of course there’s the relative who shows up with his girlfriend and you can’t remember her name. It’s like the 5th one he has brought to the family Christmas in the last 8 years. But, this one is different though. She’s not like the other ones. Everybody likes her and they all think she’ll be around for a while.
So you sit in the corner drinking down your 8th glass of wine waiting for that one relative to show up that you actually enjoy talking to. You sit and watch the two relatives that you know hate each other so much, but they sit there and pretend to be nice to each other, ignoring the obvious tension that everyone else can see plainly. You look around the room staring at everyone and you think, “God this family is so fake.” Then, you get deep. Is it really them that’s the problem or is it me? Are they judging me or am I judging them?
Well, truth be told, most people in the family probably feel the same way. There’s a reason why alcohol is almost always readily available at these occassions. There’s a reason why everyone has “something they got to do” around 1pm on Christmas day. They can’t wait to get the fuck out of there anymore than you can. It’s really all about the kids anyway. So you take a hundred pictures of little kids ripping open Christmas gifts, and you’re on the highway ten minutes after the last one is opened. After all, once you crack open that bottle at the New Year’s Eve party you’ll forget what a loser you are. And you’ll be a winner for a whole year until Christmas reminds you of what a loser you are again. Bah-Hum-bug